This blog post is actually NOT a cry to 'tolerate' and open-heartedly 'accept' femininity in gay men.
I agree with Jack Donovan's point that queeny behavior in the gay community is overdone, mostly a show and not necessarily a demonstration of a gay person's true self, and that the benefits of a gay guy finding his 'real manly self' are so numerous that a book could be entirely devoted to the subject (actually it has been; "Androphila" by Donovan). It's often difficult for many gay men to come to terms with this since we are basically taught and conditioned by women and fellow gay men that sassiness and the most up-to-date diss are what constitute our interpersonal identity, but after the first heartbreak (my observation; didn't read that from Donovan), we often settle more into our real selves.
So a middle class gay guy's external identity looks something like this from birth through adult-olescence:
Vaguely masculine and feminine in youth --> Ultra-feminine I-am-gay-here-me-roar stage --> Masculinity is attempted
Donovan firmly believes not only that men regardless of sexual orientation can and should act like men, but that even in the bedroom, there is no need for one partner to become, in an emotional or energetic sense, the feminine counterpart. His point, however, is completely against the law of sexual polarity. By that I don't mean 'this is not allowed and I won't permit it'; what I mean is that sex doesn't work, sex is not sexual without this dual polarity.
David Deida in his book "The Way of the Superior Man" explicitly states, on the outset of the book, that in any kind of sexual encounter, heterosexual or homosexual, masculine and feminine roles must be played by the two respective partners. If this polarity didn't exist there could still be affection, there could still be camaraderie, but the longing and desire would completely dissolve.
My own experiences have always been in line with Deida's outlook. When two men meet on a bed, one of them has to carry the masculine role, and the other inevitably, in some form or another, a role which facilitates that masculinity (that is, a feminine one). Two masculine beings can't simply be together carnally and be energetically (and audibly) fluid. The temporary 'loss' of one's masculinity however doesn't have to have negative implications; I completely agree with Donovan's statement in his book "Androphilia" that a man's role in the bedroom is not a good determinant of his overall masculinity.
Gay men are different from straight men and a lot more like their female peers in that they prefer masculinity in a sexual partner. But gay men are a lot like straight males in that, when demonstrating their masculinity in a sexual way, THEY HIGHLY PREFER FEMININE FEEDBACK. This feminine feedback isn't, or rather doesn't have to be, the show-off display of "I'm a queen!" that Donovan seems sure that gay femininity in bed is in all cases.
My early college years consisted of finding the most muscular alpha males I could and copulating with them profusely -- mostly men in their 40s' prime with incredible New York bodies. All they had to do was put a hand on my waist, puff their chest, press up against me, and as my voice register went up with every subsequent moan of pleasure, I figured there was no way I had it in me to be a top.
That is, until I had some close encounters in the twink zone.
I had gotten somewhat in touch with my masculine sexual polarity -- the other side of my internal, hard-wired sexual magnet -- when I walked up to a muscular (of course) boy at a party, drunk out of my mind, and we immediately began making out. In the guest bedroom I found myself on top of him and had a weird urge to penetrate him and "give him my seed," to quote a message from my subconscious. Mentioning this to him, a certain kind of smile grew on his face that I hadn't seen much in other boys during intimacy, except sometimes from my boyfriend back in high school. "Do you have a condom?" he asked.
Huh? I wondered. Gay muscular guys can be feminine during sex? More-so than me? What's going on?
At some point I figured out that I had both (potential) masculine and feminine super-powers and that either was summoned based on my chemistry with the other guy. I've flat out told a buff, handsome but sort of feminine guy part-way through gaming him -- or being gamed by him, I wasn't sure -- "You know, I have no idea who's the dominant one here." It made good conversation at the bar-club, but not great sex.
This became increasingly apparent to me up to the point that, even when a guy was initiating contact, rubbing his leg up against mine in public to elicit a boner, and asking me to his room (because "taking me home" doesn't fit his vibe), his slight femininity or body size/structure made it clear that I was to do the man's work on his sheets. There is nothing more satisfying than penetrating a guy or otherwise demonstrating masculinity to him and hearing his high cries of pleasure and his desire to come closer; it is enough to drive any top or vers guy completely mad and render him down towards a blissful bunny-rabbit level of consciousness, unless of course it's overdone and he's performing for an invisible yas-crowd.
Masculine and feminine polarity is so hot because it's a chase that doesn't have an end. The guy in the masculine role is operating completely from his dick and balls, finding himself exclusively interested in his male partner's waist, ass, and in throwing his boy-plaything around, wanting nothing more but to squirt his seed into the other guy to the point where the boy coughs it out of his mouth, or is at least left partially immobile. A guy in the feminine role will be interested in his partner's musculature (although that arguably goes both ways), his partner's broad shoulders and large back, his partner's chest, low voice, and basically upper body (and legs help a lot). The man in the male role is providing value through his horny abandon, and the guy in the feminine role provides value with his attractive but manageable body, and beckons with moans for the big boy to please give him one more kiss. The masculine role channels from the waist, and the feminine role receives the masculine into his chest, releasing oxytocin, when he's with a properly masculine dick-provider. A healthy guy in the masculine role LIKES when his masculinity is properly received, because it's indicating that he's doing his job.
The providing of affection in return from the masculine partner helps the attraction, but a huge mistake is for the masculine to return feminine feedback to his temporarily feminine partner. A cry to come together isn't necessarily satisfied by answering the plea. Two times did hulking guys return my high cries of indulgence by enthusiastically matching my high pitch, instead of for example growling. Nope. The deal breaker here isn't that it's a femininity overload; it's that now two of us are screaming for daddy, but, where did daddy go? I'm not daddy tonight.
And what happens when two men use all their efforts to avoid sounding like eunichs in the bedroom? Generally, someone will be the bottom, or one person will find their hands saddling on the other's waist while the other finds preference in the other's arms and shoulders, completing the masculine-feminine circuitry despite the no-homo-ing. If not, it's a wank and a horniness reliever that holds no energetic potential. It's sex with a friend in the dullest way and it's just not as hot. No one's masculinity was rewarded, no one's was received; we just sent it off into the air, together, kinda.
Tops (or rather, when you are a top -- everyone's got both circuitries) channel sexuality through horniness, dominance, and objectifying his partner, while more or less taking care that his bottom doesn't end up in the ER. Bottoms receive masculine sexual energy and get off on receiving their partner's masculine gift. Many bottoms will tell you it's not the actual dick that pleases them as much as the overall feeling of submitting to a guy.
The next time a wrapped-up dick enters you, let your voice go to its naturally higher register so it can resonate with the heart muscles, where your partner's energy is going anyway. If you're a top, it's okay to judge if your partner starts sounding like a lady (you can't help a judgment), but if you're adequately masculine, you will feel the reward of your keep's moans of pleasure. When you get a low grunt, it's kind of okay; the worst thing that can happen is your partner's masculinity gets the best of you. Then you won't wanna be left out from getting entered.
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